What The Pope Told Kim Davis

When the news came out today that Pope Francis secretly met with Rowan County Clerk Kim Davis at the Vatican Embassy during his trip to America, many liberals recoiled in fits of cognitive dissonance.  Mere days ago, the pope was on his way to becoming a leftist icon.  He met with Castro, expressed sympathy for the global warming cult, and told the congress that we need to allow more immigrants into the country.  Some Democrats were even beginning to reexamine their antipathy toward the Roman Catholic Church.

But, this flood of ecumenical tolerance was not to last.  Meeting with Kim Davis has done more to endanger the pope’s bona fides with the left than if he had shown up leading a Right To Life march in front of Cecile Richards’ house.

What do you think the Holy Father and the Rowan County Clerk talked about, during their brief meeting?  No cameras or audio recorders were allowed, but we have it on good authority that the conversation went something like this:

Kim:  It’s a real honor and pleasure to meet you, your holiness.

Francis:  Dear friend, you are faithful in what you are doing for the brothers and sisters, even though they are strangers to you.

Kim:  Thanks, your worship.  I’d like to introduce you to my husband, Joe.

Francis:  You've had five husbands, and the man you have now isn't your husband.

Kim:  Only four, actually.  Three, if you count the fact that I married Joe twice.

Francis:  Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.

Kim:  Well, I did legally divorce all my other husbands.

Francis:  A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord.

Kim:  I know you are right, your honor.  I’ve made my share of mistakes.

Francis:  Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord.

Kim:  Oh, I have repented, sir.  Indeed I have.  But I still got dragged before a federal court for standing up for what I believe in.

Francis:  For a day in your courts is better than a thousand elsewhere.

Kim:  I wouldn’t go that far, you eminence.  The judge put me in jail for five days.

Francis:  Fear none of those things which you shall suffer: behold, the devil shall cast some of you into prison, that you may be tried; and you shall have tribulation ten days: be you faithful unto death, and I will give you a crown of life.

Kim:  Well, Judge Bunning was sure tough, but I wouldn’t call him the devil.

Francis:  And it came to pass, when the devil was gone out, the dumb spake; and the people wondered.

Kim:  Boy, ain’t that the truth!  There were sure a lot of dumb folks speaking about me.  Just because I refused to follow the federal court’s order.

Francis:  Obey your leaders and submit to them, for they are keeping watch over your souls, as those who will have to give an account. Let them do this with joy and not with groaning, for that would be of no advantage to you.

Kim:  I don’t mean to be groaning, but I just felt that if I issued a marriage license to those two gay guys, it would go against my faith.

Francis:  Everyone who goes on ahead and does not abide in the teaching of Christ, does not have God.  If anyone comes to you and does not bring this teaching, do not receive him into your house or give him any greeting.

Kim:  Oh, they didn’t want to come into my house.  They just wanted to get married.  I figured that would be sinful.  Don’t you agree?

Francis:  Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality.  Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.

Kim:  Do you mean I shouldn’t issue marriage licenses to drunkards and adulterers either?

Francis:  As for those who persist in sin, rebuke them in the presence of all, so that the rest may stand in fear. 

Kim:  I might have to get back to you later on that one, your holiness.

Francis:  Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified.

Kim:  Thanks, mister pope.  Have a save trip.