Welcome to Louisville and Kentucky Derby 142!

If you’ve come to Louisville for the races, or are just passing through, welcome to our little city by the Falls of the Ohio River. We pride ourselves on our hospitality, food, and laid-back ambience. And our weather… Did we mention our hospitality, etc.? We want you to have a good time, and generally feel like Blanche DuBois felt in the last line of Streetcar Named Desire: “I have always depended on the kindness of strangers.” But think of Louisvillians as your family; not strangers.

We know we talk kind of funny, what with “You-all” for the plural of “you,” and “kayn’t” for “can’t”. And any five Louisvillians will pronounce the name of their city differently. No matter. We love our city and we want all our visitors to remember Louisville with a warm fondness. We want you-all to come back again, and if you kayn’t, be sure to write.

Regular readers of iLocalNews (may their numbers be legion) will recognize the fact that we are notoriously chauvinistic about the many charms of our beloved Derby City. But on Derby Week, none but a fool can gainsay us when we claim that there’s not a more propitious spot on the face of the earth in which to enjoy the glories of Spring. Louisville has the prettiest girls, most beautiful flowers, best food & liquor, and fastest horses in the whole ---- world (at least for this week), and we’re proud to share them with our honored guests. As grandpa used to say: “It don’t get much better than this.”

Our Mayor, Greg Fischer, and our Metro Council (bless ‘em) are the most conscientious and hard-working bunch of public officials in the country—maybe, even the best in Kentucky. (O.K., we’re not the first hypocrite you’ve ever met, but we promised not to attack them during Derby Week. “Comfort the afflicted, afflict the comfortable,” that’s our motto.)

Louisville’s a great tourist destination. Check out Fourth Street Live. Check out the Hillerich & Bradsby museum. Check out Louisville’s Riverfront. Check out our zoo. Food? We invented the cheeseburger, the Hot Brown, and Benedictine sandwiches. And, of course, Louisville is the home of Yum! Brands (the world’s largest restaurant company), and Kentucky Fried Chicken. If you can’t find something good to eat in Louisville, you’re on the wrong kind of diet.

We also make the world’s best cars (Fords), home appliances (General Electric) and baseball bats (Hillerich & Bradsby). We have a park system designed by Frederick Law Olmsted, and an art museum, orchestra, ballet, and opera that are the envy of the rest of the country. We’ve also got Actor’s Theatre, and numerous strip clubs (albeit recently restricted by a new wave of moralistic legislation; you can look, but you can no longer touch). How much culture can you absorb?

All in all, we’re exceedingly proud of our city, and we hope you have a good time while you’re visiting. It’s a great place in which to live, and a pretty decent tourist destination. We’ve got the best politicians money can buy, and a fantastic police department. And, (God forbid) one of the best emergency room/trauma centers in the country at University Hospital. You’re always welcome in Louisville. And tell your friends: You-all are always welcome!