Millionaire’s Row On Derby Day

The incomparable Mae West once said: "I've been rich, and I've been poor. And believe me, rich is better!" And on a sunny Derby Day at historic Churchill Downs, the view from Millionaire’s Row on the Sixth Floor of the Clubhouse is a decided improvement over the infield. Rubbing elbows with the swells certainly beats standing in the beer line with the hoi polloi. Gentlemen and ladies resplendent in coats, ties, and designer outfits stand in sharp contrast to the Animal House atmosphere down in the cheap seats. The food at the buffet is what one would expect at a gathering of the upper crust: Steak, Caesar salad, Cajun chicken with roasted asparagus, and, of course, Louisville’s famous Derby Pie. And the ambience—while perhaps a bit short of Ascot on opening day—is country club blasé.

Ours, of course, is a nation that prides itself on being a classless society: we were founded upon that manifestly untrue theory that all men are created equal. So every once and awhile, it’s refreshing to see folks divided into groups and ranks like the passengers on the Titanic. On Derby Day at Churchill Downs, you are who your armband says you are. You can be a dismal excuse for a human being, but wearing a Millionaire’s Row armband, and you can expect to be treated like visiting royalty.

Correspondingly, you might be the crown prince of Wazieristan; but go to the infield on Derby Day and no one will care who your daddy is. Derby Day is one of the few opportunities we have here in Kentucky to show off. We are justifiably proud of our fine racing facilities and our engaging hospitality; and we want to give our guests the feeling that they’re special. Spend an afternoon on Millionaire’s Row, and you’ll return home with a feeling of importance unequalled in our proletarian world.

See, the grade-B movie stars and almost-famous athletes who congregate on Millionaire's Row, along with the bank vice-presidents and owners of car dealerships, come away with an elevated sense of self-worth that makes them happy. The glitter and pomp contribute immeasurably to the collective egos of the avalanche of also-rans who migrate to Churchill Downs each year for the Kentucky Derby. The big shots on the sixth floor are probably not having nearly as much fun as the folks mingling in the infield; but they're still enjoying themselves, in their own way.

So, rich or poor, everyone is welcome to Louisville and Churchill Downs on Derby Day. The sport of kings, and the king of sports. Beautiful horses and fast women. Boots and jeans, or Saville Row decadence, we all have a spot reserved at the track. Just check your armband.